For a human to fulfil criteria in statistics charts of what is deemed the proper fit way of conversing, the question then is: how can we judge a person to be psychotic if they are not harming anyone or themselves? And should medical staff have power over another person’s body?
The final time I was thrown in hospital I had a small tape-recorder in my hand and I was able to use this, before the police were called.
I wrote this up, pretty much word for word, as a stage play. The premise: A psychiatrist and nurse have come to my door. They want me to take their “medicine” or go to hospital.
At the time I was working on a book called Quaere. (Basically the idea was every line in it would be a question. So I was in a mood for questioning everyone and everything).
I’d switched on the tape recorder and had protests from the doctor, she found my tape-recorder as annoying as my incessant writing… Ah, but what were they afraid of?
NO: Why are you making an assumption about my health? If you are not making an assumption why are you trying to push drugs? And what do you think is good treatment? Do you believe a tranquilizer is good and healthy for a human body? Do you believe that women need to be subdued and certain political ideas suppressed because someone has written a flow-chart in history?
PSYCHIATRIST: I don’t think that’s the case, that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about your ability to maintain a meaningful relationship.
NO: What are your ideas based on?
PSYCHIATRIST: Medical knowledge.
NO: Are you prepared to give that knowledge to me?
PSYCHIATRIST: It’s an anti-psychotic.
NO: What do you call psychotic?
PSYCHIATRIST: Testing reality and keeping in touch with reality.
NO: What do you think reality is?
PSYCHIATRIST: That’s a philosophical question I’m not going to get into that right now.
NO: With all this philosophy then surely we can choose who we are?
PSYCHIATRIST: You have to take the medication.
NO: You came in here without a phone call and now you’re trying to push drugs on to me. How does that sound?
PSYCHIATRIST: I think you need to take the medication. The Team has been trying to get you to do that for the past month or so. We believe that your mental health is at risk because of your deterioration in communication and attitude against the treatment. I think you are very suspicious and very guarded.
NO: How would you be if someone threatened you with a lock-up and persisted in forcing drugs onto you? How would you react?
PSYCHIATRIST: I don’t know.
NO: Well, I’ve had to think about it, how about you think about it? Because you seem to be the one who is pushing it at the moment, aren’t you?
PSYCHIATRIST: I am.
NO: Well, think about it, what would you do? Your hand would probably be shaking wouldn’t it? Because you would be afraid wouldn’t you? That’s right. Do you like making people afraid?
PSYCHIATRIST: No.
NO: Okay, well, stop it! Will you?
PSYCHIATRIST: What are you afraid of? What do you think is going to happen if you take the medication?
NO: I’ve told you it’s a tranquiliser it has bad effects on the body. I know it can do this and you want me to repeat this again and again. You gave me acuphaze.
PSYCHIATRIST: I didn’t.
NO: Your system did, the one you are reinforcing now. It resulted in severe side-effects. And this was forced upon me. I tried to refuse it. So how can you justify that? That you actually gave this person something that was really detrimental to their health. How can you justify working for a system that does that?
PSYCHIATRIST: What side-effects did it have?
NO: Tongue rolling, fainting, twitching, headaches, micro-seizures… I’ve talked about this before, I shouldn’t have to repeat myself to you. You understand that don’t you? How many times do I have to repeat myself to each different doctor? I know it’s what you do all day but I’m not getting paid for it so why should I? I’ve got a lot of work to do, you know that. Stuff I need to get on with so I can get paid. Is there something I should be learning from this experience?
PSYCHIATRIST: You need to take the medication.
NO: All right, I’ll ask you another tough question. Say if –
PSYCHIATRIST: I don’t want to answer your question, what you have to do is take the medication. What do you worry about if you take an anti-psychotic? And what do you think is going to happen?
NO: Do you want to think about this question very seriously? I told you before what it does, so why would there be any need to repeat it?
PSYCHIATRIST: I think you are being unreasonable.
NO: And I told you before there are severe side-effects. I had involuntary tongue rolling, okay. How would you like to have that happen to you?
Okay, what if say you had a very close relationship with someone whose father was a doctor? He was charged with fraud and also beat his son and his son used this medical knowledge because someone helped him through this, because his father was an arse-hole. What do you think of that, having someone’s medical knowledge turned around on you? What affect would that have on somebody? Have you thought about this? Have you ever thought about how this sort of knowledge can be used against somebody that doesn’t know about it?
PSYCHIATRIST: I’m not using my knowledge against you.
NO: No, you’re not, this person did. Drug pusher. Do you understand? You have to learn the system and understand what it does to you, is that right? And what someone is going to do to you or has done to you, if they use it incorrectly, is that right? And that’s what you have to do. You have to then take drugs, do you? No. You have to work out what it is that is causing the problem.
PSYCHIATRIST: No one has the power to do that, sometimes you just have to take the medication recommended.
NO: Does this sound right to you? Sounds like a drug-pusher to me. Do you want to say that to a heroin abuser?
PSYCHIATRIST: I’m talking about medication, not other drugs.
NO: What would you describe medication as?
PSYCHIATRIST: I think you are extremely paranoid. What is best is that you have treatment and the options are to take the medication or to go to hospital.
NO: Because?
PSYCHIATRIST: Because you are unwell.
NO: Because?
PSYCHIATRIST: Because you are very anxious and guarded.
NO: How would you describe anxious and guarded?
PSYCHIATRIST: Stop playing this game. I don’t think that it is helpful at all. I’ve tried to explain to you what the situation is.
NO: Go ahead deary.
PSYCHIATRIST: So, the bottom line is, you have to take the medication.
NO: So calling you deary was something that was totally inappropriate, is that correct?
PSYCHIATRIST: We are just trying to work out how to decrease the likelihood of you having side-effects.
NO: You cannot decrease the side-effects of drugs understand? They are chemicals. Do you understand the science behind how they work? Are you prepared to give me the documents?
PSYCHIATRIST: I don’t have them with me.
NO: Well, do you want to go away and get them and bring them back?
PSYCHIATRIST: No, I actually want to sort this out because this has been going on for weeks now. I think you are definitely unwell and I think you need to get treatment.
NO: How do you describe unwell other than anxious and guarded? For you would display that if you were threatened like you threatened me just then. You don’t seem to be able to unpack that properly.
PSYCHIATRIST: You know yourself that you are unwell.
NO: You would be anxious and guarded too if someone was threatening to lock you away so you couldn’t get your work done, coming around at inappropriate times without calling.
PSYCHIATRIST: I’m interested in your perception. Why do you think that is happening?
NO: Nothing to do with me or to do with you. I’m telling you. Anything wrong with this room? Anything wrong with what I do? I’m not trying to push drugs onto you.
PSYCHIATRIST: We are worried about you having another episode.
NO: Are you thirsty? Do you want a drink?
PSYCHIATRIST: I’d love a glass of water.
NO gets PSYCHIATRIST a glass of water.
NO: What do you think of people who break things apart in word games?
PSYCHIATRIST: Is that how you are feeling?
NO: I’m asking you if I called that drink you’re having right now, war tore, what would you think? Would you laugh, would you think it was funny, or would you think I was being an arse-hole?
PSYCHIATRIST: I’d probably laugh.
NO: But you don’t. Do you find swearing inappropriate?
PSYCHIATRIST: I do.
NO: Bloody arse prick cunt fuck. Sorry, I won’t do it again.
PSYCHIATRIST: There is no further option, you need to go to hospital or take the medication. How do you feel about that?
NO: Is this a classic turn around? Do you like that game?
PSYCHIATRIST: Doctor Tensio has given the order. You have past history in suicide and we think you are having another episode.
NO: Oh, do you want me to explain what happened and the reasons why? Okay, nobody loves me. Best friend gets me pushes me away, “Get out!” Do you like that? How would that make you feel? Picking up all your stuff, throwing it about the room. You don’t know where to go. You deal with this stuff, you work it out that people like that don’t affect you anymore and you become on top of things and if someone ever does that again, tries to push you around and tell you what to do, you don’t let them. Someone tries to push drugs onto you like this arse-hole did as well, you don’t let them. You know what he said, “You need Drugs”. That’s why I call you drug-pushers because that’s what you say too.
People can be really, really sweet sometimes and this is what I couldn’t work out with him and I think he is not a person that is going to change, he’s still going to yell at you and if you take no notice of why he is yelling at you, he’ll start trying to push you around.
You know I’m not doing anything wrong, I’m not hurting anybody in any way. I’m not harming myself. Why would anyone want to hurt me unless they are insane like him? You could say it has something to do with his abusive childhood. I could tell when he was playing his father because his accent would change and that’s when he got violent.
So, why do you want to do this to me?
PSYCHIATRIST: If we don’t do anything, you will get unwell.
NO: What do you think is going to happen? How am I going to get unwell?
PSYCHIATRIST: Your medical illness needs to be treated.
NO: Anything about my behaviour that indicates that anything is wrong? What do you think?
PSYCHIATRIST: I don’t have to answer that. You’ve taken up too much of my time already.
NO: You’d probably be doing this if someone was forcing their opinion on you. Telling you, you were mentally unwell. Telling you, you were… Let’s just say if someone said to you, you are apathetic, I know you’re not, but would you take that information and say yeah maybe I am. Do you start analysing the reasons why you were? No, you just don’t take that sort of stuff. You don’t take information from people who say you’re psychotic. Unless they say: “Why don’t you get out in the sunshine and go for a walk every day”, “How about you take up a musical instrument?”, “Painting’s a wonderful thing it helps you explore stuff, gets you out of your self makes you start thinking of other people”.
PSYCHIATRIST: What you are talking about at the moment is as important as medication is, but the fact is you are willing to do the other stuff but the medication, you are not prepared to do. What you are talking about is equally important as the medication. The medication is an important part of it.
NO: So you would recommend that people take anti-biotics forever?
PSYCHIATRIST: No
NO: Then why do you recommend that people take anti-psychotics forever?
PSYCHIATRIST: You don’t have to take them forever, but you have to take them for at least six to eight years till the psychosis has stopped.
NO: That will wreck my artistic inspiration make me depressed and play havoc with my body. Anyway, what is psychotic about what I am doing now?
PSYCHIATRIST: What is psychotic about what you are doing now?
NO: Nothing.
PSYCHIATRIST: I think you are very paranoid and suspicious.
NO: Anything about my behaviour that indicates paranoia?
PSYCHIATRIST: You are guarded, you are irritable, you are unagreeable to our recommendations and you keep persisting with unreasonable questions.
NO: This is an interview, is it not? It’s a forced interview therefore I’ve got every right to feel that way, have I not?
PSYCHIATRIST: I don’t have a problem with you asking too many questions, it’s just unusual.
NO: Okay, have you got a problem against people that are unusual?
PSYCHIATRIST: I want this finished, this has gone on for long enough, I’m telling you. I’m telling you to take the medication today or go to hospital now okay?
NO: Do you think there is anything wrong with what you are saying?
PSYCHIATRIST: I don’t think so.
NO: Do you have any ethics or morals?
PSYCHIATRIST: I do.
NO: What are they?
PSYCHIATRIST: I’m not going to go into this, we’ve done this a few times. I want this to finish.
NO: Do you realise this has repercussions for the future? Do you realise you will be involved? Are you prepared to take that role? I want you to think about this one very carefully because I’m sure you have thought about it before, but you do realise that role-play into a job can get out of hand when you are forcing something upon someone else? And it’s a very old thing, as I’ve said before, in the past women have been made to take Valium to make them shut-up and Freud made his patients take cocaine. Now, I thought people realised all this kind of attitude is wrong. Don’t we? We also realise that role-play in wartime showed us how mindlessly following orders leads to genocide. You don’t want to behave like a Nazi do you?
So taking all that into account, how now do you feel about what you are saying?
PSYCHIATRIST: I don’t have a problem with what I am saying to you.
NO: Are you on any medication now?
PSYCHIATRIST: No.
NO: Would you take olanzapine?
PSYCHIATRIST: I think I would if I had to.
NO: Are you prepared to take one now?
PSYCHIATRIST: No. Because I don’t need it.
NO: What if someone accused you of needing it?
PSYCHIATRIST: I need to finish this interview now dear, I’m telling you this.
NO: You are doing nothing endearing.
PSYCHIATRIST: You need to take the medication now or go to hospital okay? You didn’t have any side-effects from olanzipine.
NO: I did and this is what I am going to say to you, your clause is affecting me in a way that is detrimental to my health. You are going to be in trouble for practicing this in future. I’m afraid you system is in collapse. You can no longer protect yourself with your hierarchy and say, “I was told to do this” and “someone told me this”, and writing incorrect suppositions on paper. How do you feel about that?
PSYCHIATRIST: It’s none of my business to answer that.
NO: I do realise you have a job to do but there is a little bit more responsibility in bringing up a child than what is written in a stats sheet, so why would you think my mind could be such a simple function?
PSYCHIATRIST: We need to finish up, so what are we going to do? Are you agreeable to take medication or do you think you have to come to hospital?
NO: Would you take medication?
PSYCHIATRIST: I’m not answering that question. You need to answer the question.
NO: You must comply. I’m not borg. Why do I need to answer a question if you’re not going to answer a question?
PSYCHIATRIST: We need to sort this out now. Okay, right now we need to sort this out. We’ve been round and around and around for the last hour. We need to sort this out now. We need to make the decision whether you are agreeable for us to come around and supervise your medication or whether or not you have to go to hospital. They are the two options, it’s your choice.
NO: Why are you giving me this ultimatum?
PSYCHIATRIST: We need to sort this out now. We understand that you are really frightened. We understand that you don’t want to take the medication.
NO: Do you understand that a threat does to you?
PSYCHIATRIST: Listen, you need to make the choice right now. Are you agreeable for us to come around and supervise your medication or do you think that you have to come to hospital?
NO: Why would you put away a person that was perfectly well?
PSYCHIATRIST: Those are the two choices at the moment.
NO: Is there some political agenda that I am not seeing?
PSYCHIATRIST: Your choice okay.
NO: If you are giving me an ultimatum you are just threatening me, that’s all you are doing.
PSYCHIATRIST: That’s right, we are giving you an ultimatum, because we believe you require treatment. At the moment you are refusing it.
NO: What am I doing that requires treatment?
PSYCHIATRIST: We’ve already told you about that before.
NO: Yes that I was defensive and I have every reason to be defensive because you are attacking me with a drug push. I told you where that comes from, I told you someone’s done that to me before and I won’t have it again.
PSYCHIATRIST: We are trying to work with you here. I don’t want to put you in hospital but you are leaving us no choice.
NO: You are not working with me, you are working against me, you know this. You don’t work with natural therapies do you?
PSYCHIATRIST: I do actually.
NO: Well how come you would recommend a strong chemical as medication?
PSYCHIATRIST: Because we believe you need it at the moment.
NO: Do you know what effect that stuff has on you?
PSYCHIATRIST: Sometimes there are side-effects but we have been down this track before…
NO: Why would you take a perfectly well person and give them side-effects?
PSYCHIATRIST: You are unwell at the moment.
NO: What is unwell to you?
PSYCHIATRIST: That’s enough!
NO: Are you going to treat me like a child?
PSYCHIATRIST: No.
NO: What are you treating me like?
PSYCHIATRIST: I need your answer now. We need to finish this off.
NO: You want to finish me off? God. Do you think I respect your occupation because you earn more money than me?
PSYCHIATRIST: That’s it, we need to finish it off.
NO: You know I’m not going to hospital and you know why because you won’t do this and you know why because I’m doing nothing wrong. You’re making decisions based on something you have no inkling or understanding about.
PSYCHIATRIST: We have talked about that. You are a very intelligent person and I highly respect what you are doing. But the fact that you are an artist doesn’t mean that you don’t have a psychological illness. You are an artist with a mental illness and that needs to be treated and your artistic part needs to be supported too, that’s what I believe.
NO: I realise that you are a psychiatrist and believe in drugs.
PSYCHIATRIST: Yes.
NO: But that doesn’t mean everybody does.
PSYCHIATRIST: Yes, I know that.
NO: Each person is an individual. You should respect individuality shouldn’t you?
PSYCHIATRIST: I’m trying to.
NO: I don’t want to have anything to do with you lot anymore. Good bye.
PSYCHIATRIST: All right see you. Thanks for talking to us.
Psychiatrist leaves the room. NO is alone with the Nurse.
NO: I don’t believe I need to be given chemicals in order to function like a vehicle. People force this upon you. You should be using natural sources of nutrients. Only in the worst possible case scenario would you have to take something as artificial as the recommended so called medication that doctors are currently prescribing to the politically incorrect. Now taking all that into account, how can people still enforce it? When I’m worried about a person I tell them exactly what I think I’m worried about, I don’t threaten them. I give them encouragement, support and help them work through whatever they need to work through in order to get to their place they want to go and I believe this helps people.
If you think about it really, mental health is a matter of politics. Unless someone is doing harm to themself or others, you have no reason to interfere with their play, you can only guide and direct it and give them ideas and ways that may help them get out of patterns or ways of thinking that are causing them problems. Unfortunately the psychiatrist has a higher rank than the psychologist does and this matters, for it is all about who gives the order. Now if someone says they’re not having any difficulties or problems why would you try and tranquilize them? That’s what I’m trying to get around, do you understand?
NURSE: I do understand.
NO: What do you think massage and psychology is?
NURSE: I think they are really good additions. But I think there is a chemical component that they can’t provide in the way medication can.
NO: How do you know that I have a chemical imbalance if you haven’t taken any of my brain cells dissected and analysed them? How can you be certain of this?
NURSE: I’m not a doctor, but doctors are trained in these things. And that’s the doctor’s recommendation.
NO: How far do you think doctors can understand your mind? Your individual mind, the thing that is sacred inside yourself, that is your religion, your love whatever you hold onto that is that is your self. How can they turn that into dissection, chemicals and inventricals? Can they do this to you? By bringing it down to number and equations is that enough? Ultimately, what we have got here is something a lot more complex than what is currently being looked at.
We have got a pinnacle here happening in history of development, which is why we are in world crisis. There are developments in human psychology and looking into electronics seeing how it affects peoples’ minds and there is a danger here for people to get paranoid about this type of stuff and there is danger here also that others will get this information and use it against people. This is something we don’t want. Something we are trying to prevent.
Trying to make people shut up about it, by locking them away and dosing them up with tranquilizers, that will not actually be able to develop this system. You are just stopping people from functioning.
Mathematics is not the ultimate language. The world can be looked at in several ways and when you are doing this, you find that yes there are physical reactions but if you look at it in metaphors in an artistic way it takes a totally different turn. This is they way the mind works. Different people have differences in opinion. Not all work in a medical way, with number sequences inside their heads. It’s wrong to force everyone to function in that manner. So, people like me have to build up some sort of defence against that.
NURSE: I guess people do, but we all have to blend in and be skilled at performing in a certain way.
Ambulance Driver enters with the psychiatrist.
AMBULANCE DRIVER: These people have filled out the appropriate paper work, you have to go to hospital come with us, just pop out into the car and you can bring whatever you like. If you do, I don’t I have to call the police.
NO: Then what will happen?
AMBULANCE DRIVER: Then they’ll come and they’ll have to push you in and I don’t want to do that.
NO: Do you feel all right about what you are doing?
AMBULANCE DRIVER: I’m just a small cog in a big wheel.
NO: You are defending something that doesn’t need to be defended, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get out. I have to get all my stuff organised and packed don’t I? There is no easy way out of this situation is there? Because people are giving me an ultimatum. I mean would you choose to repeat what other people recommend to you that you don’t agree to? For you get the same reason, it is written. Does the written word really have that much power?
AMBULANCE DRIVER: Why don’t you want to go to hospital?
NO: The air conditioners affect your health. The drugs they force you to take affect your health. I do not have all my equipment there. I cannot work there. I have a limited time in order to get the work I need done finished. You are wasting my time. How do you tell people to go away when they have power and authority over your body? Do you want to answer that?
AMBULANCE DRIVER: I can’t answer that.
NO: How can you recommend and advise in any situation if you cannot answer that one? How can you become anything more than you are in your work at the moment if you are going to be complacent about that? How do you avoid people that stalk you? You don’t need to be afraid of people who tell you are something you are not because they are incorrect, when they are not helping you.
All direction has a way of being able to be reworked into form. Sentence construction of interrogation manipulates the line to such a degree that the person who is wrong, realises that if they play into this, people will only laugh at them. Warfare of the mind. Erase this crime. Make sure that nobody is able to ever use your past to threaten you.
PSYCHIATRIST: You are not following a logical sequence.
NO: Your recommendation needs a satisfactory answer. Do you expect me to follow Spok’s number, “Live long and prosper”?
PSYCHIATRIST: Your behaviour is inappropriate.
NO: Your implied observation insinuates adherence to my dress study organism.
PSYCHIATRIST: I assume you are avoiding…
NO: Mary’s body goes up to the void. It makes sense if you know the definition... I work in abstract concepts, art ideas. How do you cast judgement on me? I deal the view and think it’s an outline of a novel. You assess treatment and I’m estimating the value of the thesis, for I like mints and if this is the pleasure mean, you might call my punster an ass, for I am a critic of your criteria, you are just standard rules and procedures. Ever thought that not all people need to play your IQ tests?
AMBULANCE DRIVER: Either you are going comfortably with us or comfortably with the police; you are only delaying the inevitable. Do you want to look like you’re being arrested by the police or dragged out by us? Either you go with us, or be handcuffed by the police.
NO: Gland your sense of humour, I’m glad.
AMBULANCE DRIVER: We’ll wash our hands of you and let the police escort you out of the building!
NO: You don’t go with these people you tell them no, you are wrong, I am write, listen to this and understand…
PSYCHIATRIST: You are under a legal order to go to hospital.
NO: Host spit tall. This is quite a send-up of your set-up. Say are you going to let me go now or has this farce had its due by date? Be reasonable, how long do I need to be questioned by you? How many thoughts need to be extracted without my wish?
PSYCHIATRIST: It’s more discussing matters that you haven’t answered.
AMBULANCE DRIVER: We’re just waiting for the police. Are you willing to come with us in the ambulance now?
NO: You don’t want to do this, it is illegal!
AMBULANCE DRIVER: We’re not cold hearted people who enjoy this sort of thing. We have been given a role and we have to follow through with it.
NO: Think about this it’s a joke, they do this and it changes the theme. I’m not really interested in their scheme.
AMBULANCE DRIVER: Would you be willing to walk out quietly with us?
NO: You’re physically not letting me go where I want to go.
AMBULANCE DRIVER: No we are physically taking you where we want you to go. Deal with this.
The police enter. I turn off the tape recorder and hide the cassette. I have the sense to realise that the police would probably just smash it. I knew of them bashing people at protests who did nothing more than sing or dance, so I could imagine what they’d do to my little recording device. Besides, I didn’t really have a beef with the police.
They entered. I stood in the kitchen and went into a fighting stance.
One officer, his eyes open pupils, waited for my first move, but with a joke behind them: What is she going to do? Come at us with the egg-beater?
I smile and say, “Ah character.”
I only offer a slight resistance, letting them know I’m not wanting to go. And I continue with my Quaere game thinking of people who should be arrested: “Is this what you do to them? Is this how you stop them?”
They push me to the ground and cuff me like they would to a fellow recruit in training. No harm done, because no hate is intended. But I certainly get more of an idea of how I can police those who psychologically intend to injure me. Those who are not open to who I am, but would rather impose and suspect and hate.
When I asked the officer what I’ve done wrong, his eyes are full of rules and procedures. He could’ve yarned the cop show: How about you tell us what you think you’ve done? But he simply said, somewhat bewildered, “I don’t know,” and that he is just doing his job.
I asked what he likes about his work and what the strangest things he’s had to do as his part of his job, he told me about the “silly exercises” in training. He even told me about his family, when I asked. All the time he had this far off distant look of wondering mixed with the confusion of a student checking a rule-book to make sure all he is doing is in order.
Then I said, “How about that for opening a can of kidney beans?”
The cop didn’t reply, but I thought at the time, perhaps he understood that Quaere is a game that people say children play. And that only children are allowed to ask too many questions and this had been sent up on a television advertisement. Or maybe not.
Even so, the cop didn’t have that annoyed look of disgust at my, “diseased mind,” like those in the medical uniforms always gave me. I felt at least somewhat human around him, even though I was strapped down and riding in an ambulance.
A psychic conversation started up in the physical silence, the policeman said, Yes, we know the job comes with such things. That’s why we were a bit worried.
I project, No fear, can’t have those doubts can you? Can’t be arresting someone or kicking them out of their home and be thinking about how wrong it is, can you?
Yeah, we can, but it’s like this, when we’re in that situation, it is game on. We’ve got a job to do and that’s to get you to the place that we’ve been told you have to go and nothing is going to change that order. (It was not so much what a policeman might say, as his energy field interacting with mine. His automatic mind that I was interacting with. It was only a cipher of his thoughts.)
Sad isn’t it?
He scratches his head. Well, I suppose, but we can’t think like that. We’ve got to think – gotcha, you’re nicked, you’re nabbed – you know, make it like a game. If we worry too much about the logistics of it, we might end up thinking crazies like you. Got to know when the paranoia is healthy and when it’s looking at possibilities that really aren’t going to help a situation. Trick is not to tell your opponent of these things, even in a look or glance. You’re said to be a nut, so I think, well, give you something that isn’t going to damage us, make you think you can shoot laser-beams out of your eyes or something. If you follow, and you’ll be surprised how many do, then we’ll know how easily we can be read, and also we’ll have a good laugh over it later. Most weird science is a misinterpreted follow, but that’s how inventions come about. There’s nothing wrong with you, you read, but all the same don’t try to egg-beat me. Might’ve had to hurt you back then, I guess you knew that though. Surprises me that amount of people that don’t have the sense to. I mean, that’s not really thinking, fighting us, when harm is not the intent. It was a matter of you wanting our strong. We were supposed to give it to you. I sense you need it with what you’re up against.
I thought about where I was heading, The medical uniforms are not my friends.
Nor are we, but at least we’ll tell you subversively what we think is going on, if you’re smart enough to listen and read into the interaction of energies. We’re not your friend, but at the same time, we’re not your foe.
When I reached hospital, there were two burly security guards waiting for the trouble maker strapped down unable to get to her pen and paper. I said to the police as I was wheeled away, “How else am I meant to write for Blue Heelers?”
I’m just one of many strange interactions of what-have-you to the security guards that followed me in the trundle bed.
I continued talking because my mouth was the only part of my body that was free to express itself, “This is the story of the construction of society. You want to dress up these people make them dance. Understand well that someone wants to make sure that they can manipulate you. They do not have your best interests at heart, they are just following their own rule. Take this pressure and measure. If you give them cheek, then will this change their mind about how following a rule to the point of physical obstruction. Abuse someone and you are going to be laughed at because you have just played the wrong part in history.”
The guards smirked and put their hands on their batons. Perhaps they were thinking about gagging me as well.
And the reason for this forced shut-up? My guess: writing down what psychiatrists say and possibly cancelling surgery on my arthritic knee. The ambo driver for no reason at all looked at me and gave my leg a slight twist. Not to hurt me, but sort of to let me know. But I’d been informed surgery was not the way to go. Better off getting comfortable shoes and exercising. And yep, true.
Perhaps I should’ve left it at that. But something weird annoyed me about this abstract pretty. It was part of an exhibition called: But what is it?
Mum says she likes this Symbiosis cartoon. Dad did too. Yep. Sometimes parents just want the playful fun things. They had to fight so much in their younger years trying to make change. Work went mysteriously missing, that supported dangers to the environment. Dad was also told to stop teaching the "hothouse effect". Proving existence of things denied can be tiring.
And by morning the heavens opened up and rained and his garden was wet where it had been dry from the heat of summer sunshine.
Using water from washing brushes, layering paper over packaging, I've given the croc some skin. It hides in the grass, hiding the rubbish within. And can be used for seating. Just don't put your arse too close to its mouth! 
Containers. Sometimes they're about what we don't immediately see. Or have no way of knowing without ripping the structure apart.
I look up at the church/Stables Art Studio roof and I see a man and a woman. Spooks in my shared space studio. I begin a canvas this way. With such a stain. Then I look at the play and make what I see in that more obvious. 
I observe, I sense, I translate. It isn’t an illness. It’s called reading into what is out there and sharing the idea. It’s what artists like to do.
Translating the EMF from touch can cause a system overload. And then there's all the stuff you just really don't want to know about that you pick up. I find sounds and visuals an easier equation. But then, it really depends on time, place, space and all those other dimensions of introspection that get turned inside out and back to front.
